How to Annoy Various Les Mis Characters
by The Orange Radish
Summary: The Orange Radish and The Blue Carrott and their other friend teamed up to write this wonderful list/story/thing. Hope you enjoy!
1. Valjean

**Disclaimer: Neither of us own any of these characters. Not yet, anyway (bwahahahahahahaha...)  
We only own the ideas.**

Valjean-

~Give him a Javert action figure.

~Kidnap Cosette.

~Make out with Cosette right in front of him.

~Remind him that it is his fault Javert fell off the bridge.

~Pretend to be the ghost of Javert and haunt him.

~Sing "Who Am I"relentlessly.

~Tell him it's not healthy for him to change his name every five years.

~Sign him up for therapy for his identity crisis.

~When he insists he doesn't have an identity crisis, sing "Who Am I" again.

~Remind Valjean that no matter how nice he is now he still stole some poor bishop's silver way back when…

~Stick a bumper sticker on his car that says "I Pushed Javert"


	2. Javert

Javert –

~Declare an official "I Hug a Javert" day.

~Try to set him up with various Mary Suesettes.

~Steal his hat.

~Steal his night stick.

~Break things.

~Steal bread.

~Compose and choreograph a musical number dedicated to him and broadcast it to the world.

~Get the whole world to agree that he needs to sing and dance the musical number.

~Start humming "Stars" in the most epic way possible.

~Whenever you walk past a body of water, push him in and then when he asks why you did that insist that you did nothing; he's the one trying to kill himself.

~Eat his lunch and then blame Valjean.

~Give him a talking Valjean doll.

~Insist that you teach him all the dances to "High School Musical" (and we mean all 3 movies).

~Try to set him up with various lovely ladies.

~Call him Javvie or sweet potato pie.

~Whenever he walks into the room say "And he is JAAAAAAAAAVVVVEEEERRRRRRRT!"

~Throw pieces of Wonderbread at him and say "HEY YOU FREAKIN' CHASED VALJEAN FOR 20 YEARS FOR A PIECE OF BREAD! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!"

~Teach him "Herod's Song" from JC Superstar.

~Steal his clothes and put the bunny footsie pajamas from "A Christmas Story" in their place.

~Remind him over and over and over again that the Orange Radish is fictionally married to him.

~Give him a Barbie makeover.

~Shave off his sideburns while he sleeps.

~Watch him sleep.

~ Lock him in a room with Gavroche for an hour.

~ Sing "Little People" whenever possible.


	3. Enjolras

**The ones in bold are the ideas I got from my lovely reviewers!**

Enjolras –

~Throw him into a pit of his fangirls.

~Yawn REALLY LOUDLY whenever he starts one of his rants.

~When he starts an inspirational speech, run in the room shouting "Oh my gosh! Napoleon just did the most amazing thing!"

~Call him a blonde.

~Remind him as much as possible that he LOST the revolution miserably.

~Set him up on a blind date with Grantire.

~Give him an "I Support Napoleon" bumper sticker.

~Pronounce his name wrong.

~Lock him up in a closet during the revolution and refuse to let him out.

~Steal his awesome red vest and replace it with a leather jacket.

~Tell him he's too uptight.

~Change the lyrics to "Red and Black" to be all about your love life.

~Play Risk with his ABC Café map.

~Tell him that you just don't hear the people sing.

**~ Take the red flag off the barricade and hide it.**

a/n: I couldn't really think of a lot for him... Tell me some more and I'll add them


	4. Marius

Marius –

~Remind him that all his friends DIED yet he lived.

~Tell him that everything he does makes you "agog" and "aghast".

~Tell him you just don't see him and Cosette working out.

~Throw him into a room with Eponine and lock the door.

~Whenever he walks into the room, go "Marius, you're LATE!"

~Call him "Mari" for short, and pronounce it "Mary".

~"Accidentally" tell the Thenardiers the exact time and location of his wedding, and "accidentally" happen to mention that there will be an all-you-can-eat buffet with plenty of loose silver laying around.

~Ask him how many Cracker Jack boxes he had to eat to get that pretty ring of his.

~Ask him whether he gets his hair colored or permed first.

~Sing a beautiful duet with him and then die before the last word.

~Burn all the love letters between him and Cosette.

**~ Call him Don Juan.**

a/n: Once again, any ideas are welcome!


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